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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The truth about turn-ons

I grew up in a fundamental church that viewed women and girls as pure and innocent, but a girl with sexual experience (or even unfulfilled desires) was damaged goods.  Fantasies were sinful (lust in your heart); therefore, masturbation was a sin. (I did it anyway.) After I lost my virginity, I beat myself up for years because I felt like I was no good.  I believed that God forgave me, but I couldn't forgive myself. (And then I met hubby and his open-minded family. I learned a lot from them.)

What turns women on?  For me, the forbidden.  In all but one or two of The Devil Made Me Do It’s stories, the characters are married to each other.  I wrote those several years ago when I was learning to think for myself. I explored ‘forbidden’ subjects like spanking, exhibitionism and voyeurism, and role-playing (forbidden to me, anyway).

The whole idea behind The Devil Made Me Do It is many women are taught it's wrong for them to enjoy sex, so if there's someone else to blame (i.e. the 'devil' or the guy who seduced her), it wasn't her fault if she enjoyed it.  I think women who openly admit having a healthy interest in sex (or even reading romance novels) have to be strong because they'll take a lot of crap for it.

Quarterbacks aren't supposed to dive head first.
He had an injured shoulder too, but he got the touchdown.
I can't give you a simple answer on what turns women on because there isn't one.  Every day it's something new and I'm always surprised by what interests me.  There’s no quick and easy answer because the truth (if they knew it themselves) might frighten men (and us too).  Another turn on for me (I don't often admit this to anyone): a little bit of violence. Not blood and guts, but a good dose of testosterone. That's why I'm a football fan. ;)

What turns you on? Give it to me straight now…I can take it.


  1. Great post! I think many women get stuck in this initial mind trap, because it's the way society wants/needs us to be. I was lucky, I had a very liberal and eclectic upbringing who didn't try to condemn sex as a bad thing. That's not to say they wanted me doing it at a young age, but they recognized the natural progression of it. They also understood the medical benefits of a healthy sex life (my family is very sciency). Though I was raised going to a Catholic Church, I frequently would have debates with the Priest and Teachers about their thoughts. More often than not, it would get heated (what does this cocky 15 year old know, anyway?)... But it opened my eyes to so many things... Why would God make people gay? Why would he give us brains if we can use them to create birth control? If having children is the end goal, why is sex so bad? I've since deviated (many, many years now) and find the Pagan traditions so liberating. Particularly because there isn't an edict- or any organization. You find what works for you (for the most part). Sex is sacred, not condemned. As for turn ons... you're right! It changes from day to day, but a good dose of testosterone is definitely hot! Add a little confidence into that mix and it's golden. ;)

  2. The day my mother lost the ability to tell me what to do regarding sex was when I was 13 and she told me she could totally live without sex, and could have been a nun. (My poor father!) Even at that age, I knew sex was going to be... important, so I no longer valued her opinion on the matter. My turn-ons... I feel the most powerful when I'm being dominated just a little. No degradation, just told what to do (and then I do it very, very well). In fantasy-land... there's a reason I read a lot of menage a 3-4-5. Also, love me a good tattoo. Hey, when Make or Break comes out this summer, if you read it, you'll know. Seth is my ultimate fantasy, which is exactly how the book came to be in the first place.

  3. @Carissa, I try not to blame Christianity. The church I went to was a little off the deep end. My husband was raised in a Christian family, and he doesn't have any of the hang ups or guilt I did. Thank God for testosterone. Yum.

    @Lori, I like playing the sub too, and then I rebel. hehe. I'm looking forward to Make or Break.

  4. I can't say that I blame Christianity either. There are many divisions that are more liberal... It's been my experience, however, that the stigma against women and sex has a direct correlation to the Church, often times. ;)

  5. @Carissa, That's been my experience too.

  6. I grew up Catholic, and I still harbor *tons* of guilt. About everything. To this day, I can't lie. If I do, I will either spill my guts five seconds after the words leave my mouth or the lie festers in my brain until I can't see straight and I come clean later. Plus, I'm just an awful liar. You'd totally know if I were trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

    Though I wasn't super sheltered or anything, I didn't start "exploring" the world until I got to college, and even then, I was pretty judgmental about stuff. I didn't sleep around, do drugs, or get into tons of trouble. I've always been a "good" kid.

    I don't see the point in trying to hide truths about sex (or anything in life) from our children. I talk to mine (they're 9, 7, and 6 years old) about sex regularly. I don't want them to fear it, but I also don't want to paint it as the "Great Temptation" that my parents taught me it was. That only leads to teenage pregnancy, hahaha! Realism and lots of discussion are the keys to having healthy, well-balanced, and *thinking* kids.

    Sorry, I digress. Turn-ons? Yeah, hot sweaty guys beating the crap out of each other, or driving fast cars, or screaming lyrics to songs -- those things grab me by the nuts and make me sing. :-)

  7. @Kendall, Oh yeah, you can't tell kids not to do something. It just makes them want it more. Actually, that works on my husband too.